Eight hundred
by Hukuwa
Summary: It was too late now; he was alone. He couldn't change what had happened that day. The only thing he regreted was being such a big liar to Takano and to himself.


**...8'D I know, I'm going to hell.**

**Series:** Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi

**Pairing:** Nostalgia.

**Rating: **T...as far as I'm concerned.

**Genre: **Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy/Romance

**Warnings: **Character death

**Disclaimer: **Eight hundred is property of Pinocchio-P while Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi and characters are property of Nakamura Shungiku.

**Side notes: **-copy paste no jutsuu from youtube- "A common japanese term for "full of lies" is "usohappyaku", literally meaning "lies eight hundred.". "- vgperson

* * *

_"I love you, Ritsu."_

_"Stop saying that!"_

_"But it's the truth. And I know you love me too."_

_"Stop it! I will never say it!"_

.

.

.

There's no possible explanation. He just closes his eyes and wishes this to be a lie, but he knows it's not. Ritsu knows this is reality. He knows that what he is seeing now is not a dream.

And it hurts.

He can't hold back his tears. He cannot pretend to be okay.

He is not okay.

Now, drained from all energy he had because of his fallen tears, Ritsu looks at the coffin in front of him. Another emotional wave hits him and he bursts into tears for the fifth time that day. He falls to his knees and cries out, trying to get a hold of something that tells him this is a lie. But it's not. He realizes this as Hatori and Kisa drag him away as he continues to cry.

.

He is a coward. Ritsu feels no motivation to do anything as he returns to the room where he is being mourned. He just sits on the corner and does his best to seem composed. There are lots of people he doesn't know at the funeral. Many are family, others are friends and others are from Marukawa. It just makes him feel worse-now everyone knows what really happened that day.

That night he gets enough courage to go and look at the coffin again and when he does, he does his best to hold in the sobs. He has to be strong. From now on he'll be alone.

Alone. That word scares him. It scares him because he knows that feeling. Back when in high school he felt alone after what happened, but he realizes now, this fear is worse than before. Because now there's no one who can return to his side.

He always lied. To him, to himself, to everyone. He always said he hated him, that he was fine without him, he always ignored that tightness he felt on his chest when he said those words. But now it's too late. It's too late to even say an "I'm sorry". Now there's no one to hear him out.

Ritsu allows himself remember the events of the day before. He could still remember how it had started as a normal day, Takano...Takano-san had stated that Ritsu and him had to go somewhere to pick some storyboards. The two had left Marukawa without more comment and on the train, Takano had started to ask Ritsu about himself. He always did that; he said he wanted to know the current Ritsu. And Ritsu had shut him off for some reason. He lied about everything that day.

And then they had gotten down of the car and as Ritsu was walking down the street he heard someone cry out something. And then after that it had all been black.

Black.

There hadn't even been a chance to look up.

.

When he had woken up, he was in a hospital. Doctors had explained that a car had crashed and it seemed it had hit Ritsu; leaving him with a small head contusion. Then the doctors had turned silent. So silent it made Ritsu realize something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. He'd cried out for them to tell him, and one of them finally spoke up after an insistence of four minutes.

"The person that was with you...he saved you, Onodera-san. He pushed you away just as the car hit, but... He couldn't make it."

It had to be a lie. His chest hurt. It hurt because he knew who had pushed him away. He knew the same too damn well. Takano Masamune.

.

And now he's here, at Takano's funeral and all he can do it be quiet. He feels tired. Tired of crying all night and cursing the gods. Tired of living now that he was gone. He wanted to say so much, but it's all futile now. _He's gone, Ritsu, he is dead._ Even as he tells himself this, there is no comfort. There will never be comfort for him.

.

The doctors said he died at the impact and he didn't suffer. But that doesn't make Ritsu feel better. It only makes the pain on his heart grow. It is because of him that he is dead. It is because of him that Takano is dead. God, admitting it to himself just makes the wound deeper. He wonders how he's supposed to face Takano's family now...how he's supposed to face the other's at the office...how's he supposed to face Yokozawa-san.

That's why he just sits in silence, trying his best once again, to not burst into tears. Besides him Kisa is in silence too, possibly praying, but Ritsu knows that praying won't return Takano.

He spots Yokozawa enter the house and his body tenses. He's not ready for this. He is not ready to hear what Yokozawa has to say to his face. He already knows it. He already knows that he is a moron and that if someone should've died that day, it had to be him and not Masamune Takano. But instead Yokozawa gives his condolences to Takano's family and approaches to Ritsu before kneeling and saying in a low voice words that Ritsu never thought he'd hear- "I'm sorry, you have my sincere condolences, Onodera."

Ritsu knows that Yokozawa is also hurt. He has lost more than a dear friend. He has lost a love. And it's too much and he bolts outside the room just after Yokozawa leaves the place with a tall blonde man by his side.

.

Ritsu feels broken, and he hates himself for not telling Takano how he really feels. He hates that stubborn side of him, the side that stopped him from being happy. _"I love you,"_ He wants to tell him, but instead those words are just heard by the wind. All those times he said "I hate you" make his tears flood again. But he's alone now and even if he could say those words so freely, it wouldn't change a thing. I'm a liar, Ritsu thinks as he remembers the kindness of his first love. He is full of lies and never once accepted the truth of his heart...until now when it's too late.

He wants to see Takano in front of him. Breathing and smiling, telling Ritsu he loves him so that Ritsu can finally admit it. He wants Takano Masamune to listen to his words. He wishes that Takano were alive, but wishes never come true.

"I love you," He says to no one. Tears invade his eyes and his body trembles. "I love you," He says louder this time, "All those times I denied it...I was lying." His lips tremble, but he cannot stop now. "I'm such a liar...I'm sorry..." He can't hold in a sob.

"I will...I'll never...forget..."

He curses the gods loudly for this. This shouldn't have happened. He can't understand why he's alone now. He's alone again, but this time there will be no one to go to.

.

He knows this is not a dream, but as he feels a hand on his shoulder, his mind makes him think that maybe it's Takano. Ritsu turns around but instead of Takano he sees Kisa, Hatori and Mino with an expression full of grief. Then he is pulled into a hug by Kisa, who whispers comfort words to him, but they have no result. Instead, Ritsu accepts the hug and cries on Kisa's shoulder. Hatori and Mino pat his back as signal for support.

.

From now on he'll be alone. He'll have to be by himself. Ritsu is not sure how long it will take before he can return to his normal life...No, that life will never return. He has to be strong and learn to cope with death; it's something you have to live with everyday.

But, he is sure that he'll recover one day. Slowly...but he will. He is sure that -although it was too late- Takano Masamune, the man he loved, has heard his words.

* * *

**Just...don't burn me in the fire. Normally I don't write _/this/_ but I...wanted to try writing something like this orz  
**

**R&R**


End file.
